She made the grapes disappear! ALL OF THEM!!!
I'll trade you a raw potato for some vodka
So one buddy got tackled at the urinals by national guard members and was arrested. Another had sex in a port o potty with possibly the drunkest girl I've ever encountered. The rest of us blacked out and won a few bets. So yes, the derby did meet our expectations.
He kept saying "this is a bad idea" wasn't in his vocabulary. He left at 2 came back at 6 eating frozen waffles and he had a symbol, a moped mirror, and a new MacBook. I'd say he had a good time
Fairly certain I called dibs on your lesbian virginity last night
Did i actually sleep there? Or did i just get sand everywhere?
You're about to fuck a guy with a sweatshirt tied around his waist like a mensurating 13 year old. Get your priorities straight, you're graduating tomorrow.
Either I'm deep cleaning my apartment out of severe academic procrastination or I'm subconsciously nesting and need to take a pregnancy test.
I'll just be sleeping in this laundry room. Come get me at bar close.
Is valentines day the worst or best day to ask for a threesome? I'm weighing some options on this high-risk manoeuvre.
it is a dangerous dangerous place where morals and dignity go to die and all your fantasies about men become reality.
I think we r still a few steps from ex sex. In fact, that's never going to happen. I'm just saying on the seething-chemical-fire-of-emotional-distress-to-post -relationship-intercourse scale, I'm closer to fucking than throttling. Progress is fun.
Good news!! I can adult!! 😂 turning down the strip club on a weeknight has become my crowning achievement ðŸ˜ðŸ˜‚
You know you have an interesting job when you go to work and have to Google search "How to get poop out of a dryer".
Pretty sure he was in my class in like 2nd grade
I like how you know everyone I've ever fellated.
Randomize
