There's a woman here that looks like a cross between Michael Jackson and Flipper.
There was a lot of him and a little penis
okay I may or may not have wrapped my body pillow up in your t-shirt and sprayed it with your axe and am now spooning with it.
again? I'm starting to get a little creeped out now.
just googled chastity belt to see if it really exist..
Fuck morning classes. Fuck early work. Fuck anything in the morning that doesn't involve sleeping, sex or bacon.
I dont care how high you are, meat and sprinkles dont mix dude
just had Stella and stale goldfish for breakfast under the watchful eyes of an inflatable cactus and 5 llama pinatas. Cinco de mayo success!
that's just what you get for learning massage techniques from gay porn
She looked up at the menu and yelled this is my absolute favorite literacy
I taught her to play Monopoly. She sold me her bra to keep from going bankrupt.
I say that because you at one point were like a mama spider covered with baby spiders only you were a man covered with strippers.
I slept with one of the directors so you would get a good price on the ballroom for your reception. I'm the best MOH. You owe me bitch
She gave you a handy in the bar and you were surprised she was good with a dick?
Hahah good point
Who is this? I have a text from you last night telling me your name and to train hard for Tuesday, please make this make sense
Wait you took his virginity AND broke his bed doing it
I know! I’m the best!
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