Going to bed naked. Too bad I am all alone. Need to make some changes. Either sleep with clothes or with you
i didnt like the question options for my yahoo account..so i made up the question and it was "favorite bathroom to shit in"
i think im the only person who makes thank you cards for their drug dealer
There is a semi-attractive guy at the door who's looking for you. Says he met you on Chatroulette. Start explaining NOW.
masturbating while the coffee brews is the new power nap
i gave her a can of corn and told her the cabs are accepting non perishable food items over the holidays. blatant lie and she lives like $40 away
in light of our recent drunken behavior, i think it's time we seriously consider hiring ourselves a babysitter.
My leg won't stop wagging. It's like it's congratulating my vagina.
I can't believe that 100lb chick tackled me through a flight of stairs
It's one PM on a Saturday and I'm sitting here drinking Jack, eating a block of cheese and playing Minecraft. Please tell me you can come drag me to a bar.
He had a hook in his ceiling. I think I'm in love!
I mean, if you want to light yourself on fire for maximum accuracy, far be it from me to stop you
Good morning! Or after noon. Sorry for falling asleep in you
If you were to to ask if I just hid 4 shooters or Jameson it my bra and panties the anwer would be yes, yes I did
Sorry my phone died. Obviously four o'clock in the morning is a good time to tell you this.
Randomize
