Well someone named our apartment "the eiffel tower" on facebook check-in so I think they know..
It's like even though I'm not in college anymore my body still knows it's September and is putting itself into competitive binge drinking mode.
The only funny part about this situation was this morning when they rounded up all the drunks in the ER, piled us into a minivan, then dropped us all off at our houses.
And don't worry, my exact words were "I can't believe a baby came outta that thing"
i don't know what part of 'duct tape bikini waxes' seemed even a little okay in our drunk minds, but i'm never drinking with your sister again
So high I started crying because I was proud of Snoop Dogg for becoming Snoop Lion
WHEN THE FUCK DID MCDONALD'S DECIDE TO QUIT SERVING BURGERS AT 1:00AM?
I would peed on everything
Would it be inappropriate to do a science fair project on whether the type of drunk a person is is determined by nature or nurture
dude you're not even a fucking science major
I caved man... I fucked her so vigorously, desperately trying to correct her wonky eye. My determination was relentless.
You are a terrible person.
I just try to be optimistic...
she pretty much pinned my hand to her boob "on accident" for like 10 seconds before she moved. Waiting the rest of the night was just a formality.
Yeah, the email that I was sending to get an Escort for the weekend, copied and pasted to my boss, that should be interesting conversation, when I come back from Christmas vacation break.
I got stoned and explored ice caves with a guy who photographs dildos for a living. I win.
Can we just talk about the fact that the last time I got laid I was wearing a Jurassic Park tshirt?
Two grav bong hits and a shower later and I'm ready for company
It's like you say things that speak to my soul on a deep personal level
I looked into her soul, didn't I?
You eye-fucked her soul.
Randomize
