you didnt say anything until i brought it up today. i guess i misjudged your maturity.
I guess I misjudged your gender.
I love hooters. This dumb bartender is saying how coffee dehydrates you so that's why she sometimes just eats the coffee grinds wake up.
My mom just got knocked over by a rollerblader. I'm trying not to laugh, bc my family looks pretty concerned
We're upstairs smoking....the password is pineapple
Fat spanish girl grinding against air conditioner. ive seen everything now
I really need to learn how to handle sexual advances from older women
I wish I had your problem
I just walked into my exam wearing a mans tshirt and Alex's size 13 crocs twenty min late carrying only a pencil and my heels...I'm not real
She fuckin peed on me
Stay golden ponyboy
He fucked me so hard I might have to go to the hospital for internal bleeding
Can I have him when you're done?
He's drinking 50/50 vodka/water out of a camelback. Disaster would be a compliment at this point.
Im gonna wear a random assortment of things for Halloween, guy with the most creative answer gets laid
All I've succeeded in doing since I saw you is drool on my shoulder
He stopped his car in the middle of ongoing traffic to ask me to marry him. Then he got pulled over. Yeah I'd say the slutty Dallas Cowboys costume was a success.
Your hotness may or may not have landed him in jail.
I just did a walk of shame on my own block. one of the old neighbors saw and greeted me "good morning, girl next door"
Good news! Blood’s flowing!
Randomize
