"Not only do I bring a guy back to my hotel room....But I bring one back for my friend who's passed out drunk. Now that's what we call BESTfriends"
i ran around the party telling everyone that my favorite sexual position was also the only position that made me queef...i kept calling it the "double edged sword"
We decided I could make bicurious-jitos or ho-meh-jitos or heteroflexible-jitos. But not homojitos.
who put toothpaste on EVERY doorknob in my house?!
They just asked a fat guy to move to the other side of the plane. Send me a pic of your tits incase we crash
She's planning a December wedding, I'm planning on a June breakup.
I have full custody of my vagina however you are granted visiting hours
I always ask when they're due. It's the nicest way for me to let her know the rest of the world can tell she's putting on weight too
We fed him just...so many bright colored crayons when he was blacked out. I hope he looks at his shits because this could be all for nothing
He got naked and made a run for the door so I had to stop him.
I think I'd rather see her get hit by a car in one of those Russian dash cam videos on YouTube.
He just got back from doing field research studying wild chimpanzees in the goddamn jungle. Obviously I fucked him.
We are so disgustingly codependent and I wouldn't have it any other way
It's officially "let him eat me out in a sundress with no panties" season. Needless to say the first date was a success.
I live in Vegas It shouldn’t be this hard to find a penis looking for a night of no strings attached sex
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