I just saw a like a 30 person deep walk of shame... it was like the million man march but with dorm chicks
My bra broke.... so I Macguyvered that shit together with floss
as you might have guessed from my lack of texts, the herpes have calmed down.
dude to be honest with you there is a used condom that ive just left on my floor for three days
you have got to get your shit together
I'm pretty sure my lung is caught on my rib. And I can't feel the left side of my face. Best. Sex. Ever.
Definitely just found that pen in the microwave. What the fuck.
you were feeling the wall and when we asked you why, you just said "because I want to know who lived here before"
What kind of scumbag goes to a baby's 1st birthday party with a black eye? This kind. Me. I'm disgraceful.
He is so sweet! He thanks me for sending him dirty pix. I should keep him.
I just singed the hair in my nose trying to re-light a joint. now all i can smell is burnt hair. day ruiner
God gave me a talent besides one night stands. I feel like I should use it
Saw two pregnant women at court today and I SWEAR one of them said "we had a threesome with this random guy and he got both of us pregnant."
We could have mediocre awkward sex or mediocre stunted/awkward/uncomfortable banter. The possilities are relatively finite
"Fwd: Nice to meet you last night thanks for the tit flash" no recollec. i am officially banned from wearing tube tops to the bar.
I feel awkward having to tell people “sorry you can’t finger me because I will get a UTI and I don’t have health insurance”
Randomize
