the jolly green giant just puched the pope. halloween is the best.
My sole motivation for showering this morning was to masturbate. Something is wrong here...
The girls at the police department photocopied my drinking ticket and told me to frame it and hang it on my wall. Then they gave me a free muffin and told me to party smarter next time.
So the doctor told me that I am starting to showing the early signs of liver cirrhosis. Thank you Jack Daniels for making the first 26 years of my life awesome.
I think we should take up crocheing or stamp collecting....something completely lacking penises
This is what you sent me from the other side of the pool, "Idk but thers a pool n l wanna get naked take off my trunks ill paddle with my dick"
Your anal douche was on bathroom counter. Now it's in dumpster. Not ok. I am mad. Very mad.
Look,the guy had sex w/a Canadian prison guard on the deck of a cruise ship,he could blow any second.
He tried to do the do on me last night and my exact words were "stay away from my princess parts. they're renovating."
It was a mess. I sat on the kitchen floor with maple whiskey and cried into a bowl of poutine. I've never even been to canada
You then played what you called "a smooth jazz rendition of talk dirty to me" all thrusting your crotch at the bartender. Mom looked horrified, but my dad couldn't stop laughing
You danced?!
I just jiggle to the beat like a sexy lava lamp
I no longer need a flask. I need a canteen.
I’d feel the same about religion. We can talk about it, but I want you to go down on me first
I wish I was there so i could bitch slap his incredibly sexy face
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