I'm sorry for everything. i woke up with two citations stapled to my shirt.
don't go home with that guy from jersey
i know, not worth the blood test
Fuck the gym. I just shaved m'cooch and my pants now fit looser.... Dont judge me.
just saw a former disney star do a keg stand. her life choices have improved.
he started drinking at 9am with grey goose and pancakes. He IS my hero.
I wish we could skip the pretense of being normal and just start drinking wine with breakfast
I mass texted 4 of you for a booty call. Please reply all when responding so only one of you shows up. Last one is a rotten egg.
I had fun watching you interact with the world around you. Like a fuckin 8 year old kid who just discovered build a bear but really wants a cigarette.
She's beautiful tan and skinny she will make me hate myself and that's what I need in a friend right now
You want a summary? Scottish women that start drinking at 7 am. Cherries soaked in moonshine. Japanese beer. Old men smoking stuff that I'm pretty sure is illegal here and in Japan. One is doing a karaoke striptease. There's your summary.
I know, I know. But we've discussed my friends and appropriate social behaviour, and I'm pretty sure topless karaoke was a no-no.
Plus i lost a button on my shirt and we got free drinks all night. Sorry I'm not sorry.
Putting plan B on my parents credit card wasn't the smartest idea
I shouldn't have watched rise of the planet of the apes and then gotten high. I'm now convinced that the cats are out to get me.
We drunkenly made out once four years ago and then he immediately vomited and honestly I've never gotten over him
Randomize
