if your dad confronts the dude you fucked about the background check he did on him, NOT GONNA GET A CALL BACK
She always manages to outslut me. I can't keep up
Don't do anything you wouldn't want to explain to paramedics
But that's half the fun of it
I know you think I'm being paranoid, but can you please make sure Danny doesn't rub my wedding invitation on his balls?
Grandma is giving me marriage advice again. On the plus side, she thinks I'm straight now.
It has been so long since I got any action that I have decided to change my vagina's name from "the chamber of judgement" to "the cave of forgotten dreams".
Who says there aren't gentlemen anymore? My one night stand warmed up my car for me
The 4th is next week. If we don't get to a new level of high, we will be letting down George Washington.
all I know is this drummer better stop eye fucking me while he plays cowbell. it is way too early for that.
I mean it's a good blow job, but it's not worth the four hour round trip.
And in that, my finest lazy stoner moment, I used my cleavage to hold my bowl steady while I packed it laying down in bed.
There's weed in my toothpaste. Explain.
Don't need my thirties to be known as the decade of "new types of shits from drinking" like last night.
So yeah, turns out I enjoy vaguely public group sex. Who knew?
So from zero to dumpster fire, how shitty do you feel this morning? I'm hovering somewhere around trainwreck.
Randomize
