dude, wtf is with her now? she has stuff up about how i am kicking her while she's down
wtf? who are you bitching about me to now?
My alcohol tolerance is way too high for this paycheck.
Sometimes I stop and laugh and think "and these are my actual life choices".
I think the multiple Sunday morning sirens outside my window are a plot by the cops to get back at me for the shit we pulled last night. Or I should move to a better area.
There seems no grander way to celebrate 420 than to smoke atop a mountain peak.�
If he can forgive your lousy blowjobs, you can ignore his terrible driving.
I feel like telling him your vigina was older than him was not a good pick up line.
I keep thinking your bag of thongs is a bag of chips. So mad I can't eat them.
Welcome to the single world where it seems vibrator batteries are in short supply and making a sandwich while naked at 2am is relatively normal
Not much, just taking another sorting hat quiz while waiting for this porno to finish buffering
the problem is i have six tabs of acid in my freezer and no self control
My doctor actually said I was suffering from an "acute hangover" in doctor's note I asked him for....what a douche
Fortunatly we found him, he was on my roof. Unfortunatly, we can't say the same for his pants. Still looking. BRB.
Honestly, I am sitting in my room watching Ciara videos and thinking I am super jealous of how she rides it.
As you were falling you yelled out, "save my burrito!" Priorities
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