my mom walked in on my vaccuming.......i wasnt vaccumming
found a cell phone. in the freezer. wrapped in bologna. explain?
I expected to wake up with a sext of you posing nude and all I got was a missed call.....disappointed.
I'm sorry I think it was because I lost a chicken nugget in my purse and that's all that was on my mind until 4am
You kept trying to throw the grocery cart off the balcony.
In brighter news I got condoms and a mattress protector today.
Uh yeah can we get an age of consent check on Dave's penis?
Age of consent, Dave's penis. Thank you...
i would like you to please flash back to us blacked out in the bathroom when you told me i needed to take one for the team and have a threesome with you and jon to help your relationship. you then told me you had no issue putting ghb in my drink to make it happen.
Guess whose hungry like a hippo: this bitch.
Chilling on my porch debating between pre work drinking or video games and getting high.
She's going to hate me
Yeah well one of her many personalities always hates you.
The rest will just start to agree
Apparently while fucking a girl in the ass last night I cracked a molar, trying to find a dentist now.
He called his dick the "gentle giant"
PS- My flight is being emergency landed bc someone smuggled cats on the plane.
Just sold our expired ticket for a free night of bowling to a drunk guy downtown for 50 bucks. Ill buy beer on my way home
her and her boyfriend kept giving me coke ad kissing me talking about my awesome boobs
Randomize
