there should be a national holiday dedicated to how high i am
when I woke up she was standing in the living room with a bottle of scotch because she is "allergic to hangovers"
she was seriously choking and the whole time all he kept saying was "that's what she said"
We asked an illegal alien to buy us beer. He didn't even want a tip. I'm going to Washington to plead that case.
Ill bet we could have atleast fucked a girl who fucked a guy who has fucked tara reid. That's a famous circle right?
Call me next time you want to get irresponsibly drunk when we have grown up things to do the next day.
he fell down during beer pong and the chick told him to rub the sand out of his pussy and suck it up. i am in love
This reunion sucks. All the confident hot girls from high school are still confident and hot, and none of the fat girls with low self esteem transformed into hot girls with low self esteem.
it was either a cry for help or you were gargling vodka. we didnt care either way.
These kids are nice. Shrooms make everything so nice.
Can you please help mom and dad? Theyre trying to figure out Skype, and its like 2 cavemen finding fire.
Its guy fieris flavor town of suffering™
I trusted a fart in Toronto. NEVER TRUST A FART IN TORONTO.
Told a guy at the bar I was hurricane evacuees with no place to stay. Just woke up at his place. God bless Florence
He asked me to describe my life outside work. I responded with "Home-wrecker.
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