They keep asking what you are doing. I told them to quit calling her "what."
what made it akward was his girlfriends dog watching us have sex
they got in a fight during sex...she came out yelling and covered in chocolate
The vibrator you gave me is probably the one thing I will never give up if we got robbed at gunpoint
i'm glad we've gotten to the point in our relationship where I can eat peach rings off your penis.
Stole every fake plant from the lobby and placed it in front of you're apartment door, Enjoy!
White grape blunt wraps are like the equivalent of a glass of wine in a tux.
How do you think the people in my class would react if I ripped all my clothes off and jumped on him right now?
So I bring Danny back to the apartment for the first time and my roommate is curled up in the beanbag in the middle of the floor, wearing nothing but her uggs, high out of her mind and watching Harry potter... She offered us kettle corn.
He asked if he could come over tomorrow....
ARTHUR IS ON FUCKING NETFLIX THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
I can't believe you guys got into a sword fight over a chicken nugget
Oh, so that's where all the scratches came from...
THIS IS THE 11TH FUCKING COFFEE TABLE THAT YOU AND RICHARD CRASHED THROUGH.
I'm surprised me and Richard survived 11 of your coffee tables.
YOU TWO ARE BUYING ME A NEW ONE I AM PISSED.
I'm sorry about the spring break comment. I won't make anymore pornos, I promise.
I mean, I'm not upset that HE's getting married, I'm upset his penis has to go through with it by default
Turns out your granddad is cooler than you. We're taking him on our New year's eve pub crawl instead. Sorry.
Randomize
