That bus ride was like a tour of all the bushes I puked behind last night
I'm graduating. Then you'll never see me again.
We better fuck soon then
The nurse told me they're using the same medicine that killed michael jackson.
she was like the girl next door.. if you lived next door to a whorehouse
Tell nick i'm sorry for throwing a block of cheese at him last night
I'm now at that point where it just feels natural to do a few shots of whisky with breakfast and then head to work
How are ur friends?
One is peeing in the grass and the other is asleep under the stairs. Fuck them I'm sleeping in the car
She just lifted up her dress, screamed "This is gonna be a good one!" And pissed on the pole...
The molly dropped while I was taking a shit. Do you have any idea how scary that is?
That does not seem like timing
My most recent midlife crisis involved eating a doughnut in 30 seconds but taking 5 minutes to do half a shot of whiskey, then deciding I wasn't going to finish it.
I just want you to know that I think it is hilarious and wonderful that 40s are now your alcohol of choice.
I didn't realize how trashy of a night we had.
Welllll, you did eat a cherry out of my pussy. So I think that classes it up a little.
Yeeeaahhh, I'm in no rush to dismiss a level 6 booty-call that pays my bar tabs and understands my Harry Potter obsession.
She said I can't embarrass her, the challenge has been set
They were shocked that I could handle my liquor so well. I'm half Irish and half Russian. This is what I'm made for
Randomize
