Just spent the rest of my time at that bar trying to keep a probs underage closet gay from touching my kitten to prove he still likes girls.
porn star on stage now. Get unkicked out.
We are like the golden girls with less cheesecake and more drugs.
I can actually hear my brain cells scream as they die when she speaks.
This smoking ban is really fucking with my ability to fart in public
You guys need to stop introducing me as "the girl you shared"
We are gonna be 90 years old in wheelchairs at the nursing home sitting at computers poking each other and waiting for the other to die so we will have the last facebook poke.
When you get home there will be live fish in the bathtub. I did not put live fish in the bathtub.
PUB CRAWL IS THE WEEK I COME BACK FROM NOLA OMG OMG OMG. Has it been a year already since I tried to make out with you and you let a bar tender take a shot out of your cleavage? Time flies.
I just sat in the bathtub with the shower running so I could eat the whole box of mega stuffed Oreos. What am I doing with my life
Dont even get me started. you fell asleep in my kitchen after being cockblocked when you tried to use my roommates bedroom.
He was telling me about how he's leaving on his Mission next week... While we were having sex in the back of his car.
Free stuff before I even put his balls in my mouth like wow great start
Did you send me a cake saying 'Happy 1st One-Night Stand Ever'?
Bud light made chelada as a breakfast for those of us with class at 8 am
Randomize
