i found her half dressed with her feet in the washer..she said it was sooo warm.
He held me the entire night. Not endearing kind of way. Like kidnapping or held hostage kind of way.
My mind hurts. I feel like I drank sand yesterday.
I am currently explaining what double penetration is to the bridesmaid I hooked up with at my cousin's wedding. This is my life.
i came so hard i kicked through my windshield
hey, being drunk and dumb is my thing. Don't take that away from me.
Whats proper etiquette for apologizing to your wife for being so drunk you stood up and pissed on the bedroom floor next to the bed?
Are you proud of yourself?
ask me again when I'm drunk. Then fuck off.
Beans, may the odds of a nip slip and drunken make out session be ever in your favor
Be happy for me... Or horny... Or be a really good friend and feel what I want you to feel. Jealousy
Let's be honest, college orientation is going to be "here's how to drink everclear"
I'm going to the store to get corona, salad, and blunt wraps...
You came in yelling "I'm el scorcho" and then axe can flamethrowered my dresser. Awesomeness aside, you owe me a new dresser.
I asked him to have birthday sex with me via xbox live
Your sister walked upto me in the middle of the hallway and was like get us beer or shes never having sex with you ever again, wtf
Randomize
