I was amazed that you fell flat on your ass and still managed not to spill them drinks in your hands. Your getting good at this.
is drinking for groundhog day legit?
well you blacked out on MLK day and we pregamed arbor day, so yes
Horny girl and non horny girl have different views on life
She's running around bumping into to people trying to keep a balloon she filled with vodka in the air. Please tell me she has a secret off switch you didn't tell me about.
THAT DOESN'T MEAN YOU SHOULD LET ME CHUG VODKA.
uhh when the x-ray tec was moving your head you licked his hand and meowed.. i think he knew you weren't sober
Im laying on the couch wishing someone was here to pour wine in my mouth. I need an alcohol IV
Any story that involves the words "bloody hand job" and/or "sliced penis" is bound to be a good one, right?
I can't believe I'm giving you play by plays of this sexting convo. It's like a three way he doesn't know about.
So I spent all night thinking my bed was floating down a river and telling the cats to get on the bed because they were going to float away. Percocet is strong shit.
The guys who program Autocorrect have never seen a vagina in person
All I ever do is give guys anxiety problems and flaccid penises.
He kept saying "Welcome to Indianapolis" over and over while we were having sex...because that's his hometown. I was scared and confused... I didn't know if I should have said thank you or what.
Also epiphany: I gotta quit fucking with dudes that have never seen Harry Potter. They all turn out to be shitheads who probably eat honeydew.
Sometimes, it’s important to take a moment and kinkshame yourself.
Randomize
