you know you've been playing too much mario kart when you see a curve in the road ahead and see yourself drifting around it
when my dick couldnt get hard she said "fly on little wing"
Oh yes. The girl who wanted me to watch her pee.
You drank the expired grape juice because you were convinced it had fermented into wine...you have a problem.
Got home. Hugged Mom. The look on her face indicated she noticed nipple rings.
I totally just found ecstasy floating around in the bottom of my purse, it's almost like good karma from the time I lost that blow...but not quite
Some old truck driver just made me smell his beard I hope tonight turns out better
WRONG DAY TO COME TO CLASS STONED!! WRONG DAY TO COME TO CLASS STONED!! WE'RE WATCHING BIRTHING VIDEOS!!!!
He ate me out in the forest at that park we used to hit my bong in highschool again, somehow this isn't what I pictured being 25 would be like
I think I shall call his penis Gatsby. We talk about it all the time, but I never see it.
Please ask me to tell you about the time I watched two of my friends chase my drunk roommate with a broken foot around downtown
Just because I'm sleeping with him doesn't mean I'm in love with him, it means that I want to have sex with someone who isn't a serial killer.
I could have sworn that I went home last night... but judging from the couch I just woke up on, apparently not.
Just FYI: if you happen to notice a liquid of some sort on my kitchen counter with an interesting color/ texture, don't taste it
The fuck kind of sorcerer makes a pact with tequila
Most of the people I know from AA
Haha touché
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