Went home with a 29 year old from the bar. Life lesson: 9 year olds stay up late sometimes
Sorry I couldn't get my dick out
I'm naming my child veloci raptor. And you can be a part of its life if you want. But that's its name. Cause i have the vagina.
the lady in the checkout infront of me had a case of beer, two 40 oz, and activia...really??i dont' think irregularity is her problem
sweet and enthusiastic is code for tiny dick.
Your dad's facebook is ejaculating midlife crisis all over my minifeed
My shirt is ruined. If I ever get the idea of doing a tequila shot through my nose ever again, shoot me.
yeah, she started doing yoga and cocaine....looks good on her.
I have an explanation for how we got this drunk this fast... but you wont like it. We are officially in complete liver failure.
For looking exactly like her, she tasted less like her sister than I would've thought
And if I hated you I'd probably say things like, "I never want to speak to you again," or, "Eat a bag of dicks." That's how you'd know.
Please tell me joes at work safe and sound and doesn't smell like jail?
my parents have to start far too many of our conversations with the sentence "this is an observation, not a judgment" than I'm proud of
His dick is a skeleton key. It fits everywhere.
I'm having to shit out rocks
Randomize
