Omfg I am plowed. Had drinks with 3 milfs. Going out on their boat tomorrow. They want to show me how buoyant they are.
My boss just called me into his office to apologize for being an "inadvertant cockblock"
dude, when you're random girl from last night came down the stairs this morning she fell all the way down. I laughed. She just walked out. I hope shes ok. Tell her I give her a 10 for that landing though.
kinda considering buying a life alert for sophmore year
Sorry I pulled the thermostat off the wall..
She came over and gave me a handy and then just lingered for a day and a half. Worst weekend ever.
He completely dissapeared at the baseball game. We found him passed out at the hotel three hours later with souviner photos of himself at the top of the Sears Tower.
Just did a keg stand the dropped my phone in the toilet. Sorry for partying.
You did a keg stand on the toilet?!
I'm just sad for you. It sucks that the 17 douchebag asshole guys you're fucking can't morph into one nice, normal, non-alcoholic guy that has a drivers license and no criminal history.
perfect. if all else fails remind him how anxious he is. talk real fast and induce a panic attack that only I can remedy with xanax.
This was like angel cum on the bread of life filled with the nectar of the gods
Then again, he has huge mansions.
*manboobs.
I was 100% done.. I used my vibrator while eating cold pizza. Shit was magical.
Man I sound like a slutty Mormon
I almost stopped mid bj to let him know I appreciated his balls being nice to look at/have my face near. But I didn't know if that would ruin, or improve the moment.
Randomize
