The guy I fucked in the port a poty just called me and asked me on a date!
Awkward!
No he was cute and I said yes!
bruce springsteen sings some of the most romantic songs i've ever heard.
the hells wrong with u
I GOT MY PERIOD!
damn. i had names picked out.
i may or may not be dressed up as my farmville farmer. gonna harvest some ladiesss tonight!!!
Level of drunkenness: just now when I sat down on the toilet, I had to double check to make sure I wasn't sitting on somebody's lap.
He was carrying a rolled up carpet saying he was saving it for tomorrow's Walk of Fame.
She made me take my shoes off outside her room but she didn't make me wear a condom. I am confused.
Well... When your girlfriend fucks your sister, the 2 week courtesy window goes out the door.
Its like no one cares im drunk naked wet and ready to throw myself at some one hold on i found a solution to my problems
I love pie. Pie understands me and the spatula
After much deliberatipn and vodka, my favourite phrase of Christmas 2012 is "penis of last resort"
I don't know if I want context or not...
Context involves faux incest and champagne. Id go into detail but im on shot number 5.
You remember the guy they called Meat in high school? Well, let's just say my vagina remembers him now.
Fun Fact: I do not remember what its like to be sober between drinking off and on for two weeks at my "vacation" and being on painkillers for my mouth now
Booty called 3 guys from my hospital bed
You stole my car to go to your boyfriends. Now your parents are fucking in the next room at top volume, and I have no way to escape..thought you should know that the amount of therapy I'll be needing for this is expensive.
You're the best friend ever.
No. It's going to be "I'm mad that it took you so long to get over here" angry sex.
Randomize
