i guess i finally out drove tiger woods this morning..
I like to think that tonight was Jesus punishing James Cameron for his role in popularizing "My Heart Will Go On."
I just finished washing your number off of my chest. I'm Bryan by the way.
Is it sad that I woke up to more "Happy Holidays" texts on 4/20 than I did on Christmas?
I just want a better ending for myself. Not walking around with one sock on and my bush hanging out.
third eye blind makes so much more sense now that i have a drug problem
Chelsea handler, $19 million - Forbes women top 100. Seriously she shaped her career around her love of vodka. HERO.
just had a flashback of you pouring champagne into my mouth from someones balcony..
We're going to shave my junk and take pictures of it wearing fake mustaches we found at the dollar store. They're uncannily realistic; much better than the cockstaches of my youth.
let's just say if he has a penis and he hypothetically needs to put it somewhere... i would take care of that for him.
I just want to sing to him and rub baby oil on his head
I told her my hands felt like they touched the sun, never been that stoned before
I would give a kidney to fuck him and he knows it. That bastard.
When I come home and take my bra off and I'm served with a perfect grilled cheese along with a glass of wine. Priceless.
Only I would get an underage 24 hours before turning 21.
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