Every time a guy reaches down to touch my vag, i feel really sorry for all the transgender girls who still have a penis there.
That's weird cause every time i feel a girls vag i feel way worse for all the guys who reached down there and got a penis.
She just squirted all over my face. then laughed at me and took a pic
For a day that started with shitting my pants, things turned out fairly well.
Omg you had literally better be on fire, drowning, and being crucified all at the same time to be calling me at 7:30 in the goddamn morning.
I just horrified a large group of people. Congrats on dating me.
I pulled my bra out of my dress and handed it to my mom..at cocktail hour during the wedding.
I bought 2 40s with winning lottery tickets and they paid me $.03. 'Merica
Drinking heavily at 3pm and about to rescue a 30lb street turtle. Dont even bother attempting to rise to this level bitch
also please imagine me hopping a fence at 3am using two chairs. It was a shit show. K's guy practically ripped her off the top of the fence bc she got semi stuck. It was like watching Disney on Bud Ice.
Of all the things that can be stripped of me i'll be damned if it's my vanity
he BROKE his KNEE while we were getting it on, called 911 and the ambulance that showed up contained two paramedics, ONE WAS HIS FUCKING SISTER!!! HOW IS THIS MY LIFE?!?!?!
Poor life choices...?
I'm going to invent an ap that tests your stress levels before texting and will say something like "nope, go rub one out and try again in 10 min"
I assure you, it was not a Porn Hub Bee Movie parody.
3 hour lecture of my biology teacher talking about isotopes and space shuttles. I'm way too high for this.
Remember how I was complaining about how no guy has ever gotten me off?
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