I can't get into him, he looks really young. I'd feel like I was blowing the Gerber baby.
Just woke up on a couch in the FIJI house with 2 missed calls from someone I saved in my phone as "Some DU Kid Named TJ Maybe"
you make me proud to be your friend
I'm inventing beer flavored vodka. This raspberry shit makes me feel like a pussy.
just once i'd like the "right thing" and the "topless thing" to be the SAME THING
Sitting here wishing there were men in my life.
me too. too bad ive decided to fill that hole with cookie dough, closing the door to future men one fat cell at a time.
I feel like I should come with a warning like "Orgasm free since 1983"
i dont know what was worse.. snorting the wasabi or puking on the neighbors dog
that's probably because you left your arm in the fishtank for 90% of the night
I no longer see him as a simple set of male genitalia attached to a very sexy body. The title "trophy fuck" seems wrong. Damn.
it's a drink the shower water kind of morning ...
I miss the good ol days when id just come home from school and thered be a costco size box of condoms on my bed.
my parents really loved me back then.
Great news. Our sex broke my otter box
woke up this morning and she was gone. but she left a box of donuts on the counter with a note saying "for all the 'o's you gave me last night"
This is the Front Desk Lady from the Saturolite Inn. Your friend is passed out in the lobby. Please come help her.
I shit myself and fell down the stairs and I’m still finding shit In those pants.
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