I hope he doesn't find the chex mix when he takes my shirt off.
He is passed out on the kitchen floor. He will fight you if you disturb him. Just a warning.
Through drunken recall, I have managed to bring back awful memories of losing my virginity. And possibly traumatized my niece trying to get her to "learn from my mistakes".
The realization of how permanent those tattoos really were set in this morning... I am SO sorry.
Sometimes crazy just comes naturally. I don't need booze to say that on occasion I feel the need to rip off my asshole and throw it against the fridge to see if it sticks.
So apparently we wrote "Lube Shopping" in Paula's diary on every friday for the rest on the year....
That's what tomorrow is for. It's like bloodletting. Except with shame and liquor.
You told me I couldn't make out with you until I added you on LinkedIn
I mean, I Just Had Sex in 4 on her top 25 most played list. That's got to give you some indication
Where are you and why are you fighting with a bird?
I can't remember what I did last night, but judging from the state of my hair I had a pretty good time.
You fell while talking to a cop, then proceeded to acuse him of tripping you... he was arresting you for public intox.
Did you really think putting a napkin over your head would make you giving him a bj less obvious?
If he brings home bacon, dont let him leave. Dont screw this one up. this may be our last chance.
We smell like vodka and hangover
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