So in our children's lit class, some jackass little boy had gone thru the where's waldo book and circled waldo. I realize you would have been that kid.
Her parents walked in on us. So for my birthday they bought me a blow-up doll with their daughters face on it. I don't know what to think right now.
i caught him jerking off, doing his SAT Prep. forever alone.
Do you know how hard it is to write about pediatric crohn's when we're trying to figure out the keg situation for graduation?
Think I just saw your homeless guy on High Street. Did you give him back his crutch?
I just woke up and my mouth tastes like I licked the bathroom floor in the last ghetto bar we were in. I'm going to get my mouth checked for chlamydia. Do I see a dentist for that?
I forgot to tell you, the medics put you in a wheel chair. ( I kept telling you to cat daddy) oh you also gave everyone high fives for speaking English.
he's a firefighter. like being a firefighter screams MY DICK IS HUGE SO I'M NOT AFRAID TO DIE IN THIS FIRE.
I just want to have beer shits in my own bathroom. Is that too much to ask for?
He doesn't want a full on relationship, he provides me with all the weed I can handle and gives me multiple mind blowing orgasms. He's my soul mate.
This country song on the radio just had a rap break. What. No. Why.
I had one beer! ONE BEER! They took shots in mourning of my tolerance last night. My ability to drink is a joke.
You had sex with a kid to spare him the shame of being a virgin. Evidence is on my side.
He unofficially told me he deleted his tinder because of me. I think that’s a pretty romantic gesture in 2018
...blackout vacation is awesome. Where did you end up? I think i'm in Miami.
Hospital.
Randomize
