fyi, if youre wondering if offering a female police officer sexual favors will get you out of a ticket, the answer is no.
We've reached that awkward stage of the relationship where he's in love with me when he's drunk, but sober him is still afraid of commitment.
All signs point to mom being high. 1) making chicken at 2 am. 2) dancing to smooth jazz. 3) she asked where the peanut butter was
was just hit on by a homeless lesbian. forever alone.
Worst bachelorette party. She got smashed and cried because she thinks she might have herpes from when she cheated on him. Not looking good for them.
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
Let me get this straight, you're telling me to lower my standards? Even though last week you told me I don't have any..?
MY FUCKING CAT JUST GAVE BIRTH AND IM FUCKING STONED AND I FUCKING DON'T KNOW WHAT TO DO!!!
why does CNN give a flying $@*# about the royal baby so, so much?
i hope they name him Joffrey
Here's what I don't understand. How does anyone watch you eat mayo for 12 minutes and then ever fuck you again??
I feel as if I need Plan B just being in the same room as them for more than 5 minutes.
i took a magical journey through the park for about two hours. it was amazing and everything was fantastical. i have been informed someone babysat me through that shit.
I don't fucking know. He perched his parrot on his dick. I left after that.
Well I just took a pregnancy test... So how's your thanksgiving?
i'm sitting in my room 'bout to smoke a bowl. also, i found out that you don't need a permit to own a tiger in wisconsin, so we're buying one when we move in together.
Randomize
