No now hes going to beat me to our goal of getting someone to have sex in the library. I hate periods.
I don't know what to judge you more for.
A lesson I learned in the hospital....when you masturbate while attached to a heart monitor, it scares the nurses a lot.
Rain ponchos don't count as shirts at the bar. FYI.
Hey can we break in your window? We need to borrow the dog.
I woke up to find my purse full of puke, and all I could think was not again.
HELP THE ONLY THING THAT'S HELPING ME DISTINGUISH BETWEEN THE TWO OF THEM IS THE DIRECTION OF THEIR WINKY FACES OMFG
We both got free alcohol and got laid by foreign men last night.
I'm not going out again for the rest of my life. I can't top this.
Nothing says casual like stairwell bjs
I put purple lights under my bed and asked him if he wanted to fuck in a spaceship.
His cat just sat there and simultaneously bobbed his head up and down while I blew him
I think I must have activated my bat signal.... All three of my FWBs contacted me today!
my gyno just used the expression "dick around." too far?
I think part of my soul drowned in beer and/or jack daniels last night.
Now the fun stuff starts.
Someone is losing a finger.
Well the cops were called after the kid fell, but we saw 4 cute guys from our window while it was going down, so it wasn't all that bad.
Randomize
