I didn't go out last night, but I dreamed that I blacked out and the *CRAZY* thing I did was to eat 12 cupcakes off 12 diff plates and stack them up neatly. If I had a life, I'd hate it.
I wonder what it would be like to masturbate in space
They let me out of the holding cell just in time for me to get the morning-after-pill. Rock bottom feels even worse with all those hormones.
What happened to chicks over dicks?
That rule does not apply to 9 inch dicks..
it was like watching bambi learning to walk, if bambi was 22 and a high functioning alcoholic.
we had to stop you from eating moldy cake.. twice.
You said that "grilled cheese was much to complex" and started to throw the buttered bread at the wall while eating all the cheese.
well they never fully had sex so she's like an eskimo step-sister. I'll make a family tree for you.
Just spread butter on my bathrobe. This has been an ace morning.
oh my god. picked the worst day ever to not wear underwear...
I'm just gonna stop you right there because there is, in fact, no such thing.
I'm worried about your health. And your boobs. Actually, health, then boobs. Health first, boobs second. And third.
I'm not drinking for the rest of the week. I need discipline, celery, dick, and a bible.
I found out he hated a girl that I hate so I fucked him. My reasons for fucking guys are getting bad.
You kept telling everyone that you were as sober as a camel. I have yet to figure out what that means
We've been taking shots, cranking Marilyn Manson, and eating your bacon. Your kid is probably ruined.
Randomize
