Soo....this goes on the list of odd coincidences. My gyno calls me while I'm going at it, leaves me a message. I check it later... thank God I tested negative.
So ps i'm not pregnant with any athletes illegitimate children : )
At least you're going to bed with all the teeth you woke up with
He keeps trying to sell me the forks from his kitchen drawer
sorry i couldnt make it to your birthday last night. i admit i chose being a whore over you.
Not to make her into that kind of girl, but she did have a condom mural
Given my current decline of critical thinking and capacity for speech it's probably best u call the cops
Where the hell is he. I called him crying for weed and sex you would think that would signal some urgency.
yeah...that's gonna come up in court
Cleaning my pipe and using the left over resin solution to make THC laced rolling papers and a jar of hash oil/honey for my tea
WE USE THE WHOLE BUFFALO
"Where are you? Where are my keys? What is this guys name again? Why am I wearing two pairs of your pants?"
I want a musical about memes.
i just swapped my iPhone for a happy meal. this is greg btw, the hooker let me borrow her phone
I am cleaning melted cheese out of my hair. This is a new experience for me
I deserve a medal for being woke up at 6am on my day off by your mother asking where your brother is
Randomize
