I was thinking about texting her and telling her I had syphilis when I was with her and that she should get tested. just for shits and giggles. skank dahaha
i'm going to be one of those im-wearing-a-shirt-as-a-dress girls today. dont make fun of me, i need laid
just passed out while on hold to see if i left my debit card at the bar last night.
i feel like everytime i say im going to quit drinking someone comes along with a better idea about drinking
Why did you leave me a note saying 'find the canary'
it's a gatorade, cheez its, and regret kind of morning....
I can't even tell you how many rave sticks I tore apart with my teeth last night.
After Madison dropped a bottle of full vodka an it shattered on the floor, it was quiet for literally 3 min straight and then drew said "the booze gods have spoken"
We left the knife in your bed.
You're dating a nurse! That's smart, you never know when you'll have a medical emergency. Probably liver failure.
I know of an excellent nanny. A lot like Mary Poppins but way cooler. And likes pot.
Apparently while fucking a girl in the ass last night I cracked a molar, trying to find a dentist now.
Just because you are home alone for the weekend doesn't mean you can act like a nudist.
I accept your opinion but respectfully disagree. Also, I'm sitting in your chair.
I mean, it's a romantic picture of pubes if I've ever seen one
Tequila should only be paired with the finest of dick
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