Whoever put the tambourine in the dryer is a douche. Worst hangover wakeup ever
He likes Jesus. Game over.
Oooh wait, he just told me he was high.
I'm skipping the 'hey, how are you, I have to pick up something pointless at your apartment' excuse and just telling you I'm coming over to fuck.
don't be alarmed if you come back and i'm passed out drunk and naked cuddling with the franzia.
They just kept handing me shots and saying welcome to college
don't you dare blame getting arrested on me. you sugested we play the penis game and we all know I'm a strong competitor
I remember doing shots of gin, then I have this strange memory of us making out in the womens room at waffle house.
I regret none of it.
I LOVE YOU NO MATTER HOW MANY BALLS YOUVE SUCKED
I think it's a scientific achievement that I can make jelly that is 95% vodka so suck it up.
One of my interns found me on Grindr. I'm really gonna make him earn the absurd amount of money I pay him.
We had sex in his hot tub. Then we saved a mouse that almost drown in his pool. We celebrated our heroism with more sex.
Hes done the math! Hes calculated how much sex it's going to take to fuck 365 miles. Now thats a little brother im proud of. New resolutions are a go!
We just broke up and deleting his dick pics is the hardest thing I've ever had to do.
We had sex and then ordered pizza after. This relationship is looking good so far.
They gave me 4 meds at the health center and said not to take alcohol with any of them. Guess ill wait until tomorrow to feel better.
Randomize
