I had a good time, probably would have a bigger headache today if you were in town.
my brain is sober enough to have a conversation.. but my arms feel nice
i just met rob pattinson in italy. he's so stupid, i feel like i would have to say "your penis goes here!"
i said send nudes i get bra and panties. thats not what i fucking asked for.
she wrote "SORRY" in her vomit and left
why did your cousin post "out tonight" on facebook? doesn't he know it's only 1 in the afternoon?
shhh don't tell him. it's cloudy out and none of his clocks work
The 30 seconds of sex was almost worth it...I mean he did smoke me out and watched the princess and the frog with me
Just so you know I would totally fuck you. Does that count as a feeling?
ride him like a prized pony all the way to orgasm town.
i saw the poster for your lost tequila... what a shame
I keep thinking your bag of thongs is a bag of chips. So mad I can't eat them.
They got mad when I cut the pizza with an x-acto knife. Oh well, more for me then.
There is maybe 10 hours out of any given day we aren't sober.
I just started an apology with "so I'm sorry about throwing the Brita at your head last night..."
Do you remember feeding the vacuum doritos last night?
Randomize
