wow, farting in latex pants is really awkward.
They should make Jack Daniels chap stick
if every girl in minneapolis isn't pregnant when i get back to the cities i will cry
Since when does wearing a condom and going down on me make someone a gentlemen?
I found her under my bed eating airplane pretzels.
could you please tell me why you thought vodka soaked band aids were a good idea?
I just gave her a sobriety test in the middle of the baking aisle.
And the results, officer?
She's fucked.
If you get that boat I will recruit some boat hoes for you and tape a video and sync it to I'm On A Boat. This is happening.
yea plus he's gonna be wearing his gumby costume so that'll take a lot of pressure off too
That amount of times your family has seen my boobs is getting ridiculous.
I wonder if go pro can customize a cock ring so I don't have to hold the camera anymore
I take it you're alive?
Mostly. Can't quite control my arms.
Holy shit dude........stairs
And I broke things off with Justin last night. Except I texted him while he was asleep and then I was like well, that's probably not what he wants to wake up to, so I sent him a picture of the coconut I microwaved and caught on fire when I was really high one time.
This is going to be so stupid, but do you feel the calluses on my hands when I give you a handy?
Randomize
