yes i saw that this morning. it was my mailbox.
I cut you off after you tried to do a shot out of a neti pot, down your nose.
explains the nose bleeds.
for future reference: anal bleach BEFORE boozing
Well he's not a stripper, so we're already doing better than my last date.
You kicked in the door when she was blowing him. You dont remember do you?
Good thing I took the morning after pill cuz I pretty much had packaged seamen in me like I was a squirrel saving it for later or something
We jumped on a random trolley because total strangers offered us free vodka. We're not even on the route map as far as I can tell. I see now how those people died in "Hostel"... we deserve whatever happens to us tonight.
trust me. coming from a bonafide dirtbag, this dude is up to shady shit
We're so stoned that were both cuddling on the couch and crying over Forest Gump while eating popcorn. She asked me if I'd fuck away the sadness. I think she's serious.
It was like 10 tiny penises being shoved in my vagina.
I think I've been inadvertently participating in a contest to see how many times I can show up to work hungover in my first year of teaching. And I'm the only participant. Not sure if I'm winning or losing.
Do normal couples celebrate occasions naked with Chicken McNuggets and BBQ sauce?
i woke up face planted on your ottoman..thanks for letting me sleepover
Day drunk. He was sitting in the back seat, opened the door, leaned out, and peed right there in the dutch bros drive through. No one even noticed haha
why is there a thong in the fridge-NOT MINE-and a half of a pickle on the stairs?!
I don't wear thongs. The picle was for dipping. Ill explain later. Lacy or plain thong ?
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