im at a bar with my dad last night and he got hit on more that I did
Just found a glow stick inside of my vagina..
With the amount of traffic your vagina gets, it was only a matter of time before someone threw a rave there.
I feel like I should put "don't judge me" in the special instructions for the pizza guy.
Woke up this morning to my mom on the phone with my dad saying, "It's probably just your prostate." Reasons to move out. Go.
I told her I had the flu when in reality I did way too many drugs last night, haven't slept and don't want to sit through a 3 hour buisness meeting trying to figure out which voices are real and which are in my head
Im pretty sure that girl just said "Im taking you home even if your girlfriend has to come too." Why are we here again?
BING! You are now free to move about my panties. He just left for work.
Maybe next year when I'm 30 I will be over puking at lunch on Fridays. Maybe
I peed my pants and am still dancing with guys at the club because I liked my outfit too much to change. Call the ratchet emergency
I met a gypsy today. She told me my soul animal was an owl and says she will now remember me as "Owl Girl".
I was walking back to the dorm and was made fun of for wearing a coat. I'M SORRY I CARE ABOUT MY WELL BEING.
Told my fifteen year old cousin's friend what to sext his girlfriend last night. He was scarred for life but she fucking loved it.
My v day was great. There's a cum stain in the shape of a handprint on my sheets
Just almost drowned myself in the shower again. I need an adult.
He's smoked my weed, stolen my cigarettes, and used my campus cash, but I try to initiate sex and NOWWW he's all "As your RA, that's a line I can't cross"
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