i just saw a midget buying condoms and graham crackers. i wonder which was the impluse buy.
I'm a big fan of 2 things right now: 1) Gatorade and 2) the fetal position
He told me they were just razor bumps!
best googles of the semester: toe fucking, purpose of two nostrils, human tail. with pictures
You'd think me telling him that I'm a lesbian would make him realize that I don't want to hook up with him.
I smell like booze and the valet literally buckled me in, def top 3 walks of shame
Can you imagine how doomed are children are? I mean for one they have our genetics and then we will ruin them as parents. It will be the most magical adventure. Let's not start soon, too many adventures at hand that involve immense amounts of alcohol.
Oh boom. You're officially Dr Phil. I need to have sex that I actually remember participating in.
I was on my way last night when some asshole yelled "make better life choices" out the window of his car. I felt so self conscious I went home.
Wearing a shark mask, slugging tequilla, in cowboy boots, and not minding that my spandex is on backwards. What are you up to?
Ive only just recently decided that NOT fucking you would be best for both of us.
I tried to smoke out of half a banana, and lit my nose hair on fire. So I feel like that sums up my life pretty well.
Good to know. If our sexting moves past early 1900s vernacular, I'll be sure to use that once or twice.
I was grinding on my boss last night. So Monday will be fun. That's what's going on in my life right now.
He just sent me a picture of multiple chickens eating in his kitchen... should I be worried
Randomize
