probably shouldnt have written that paper while wasted, its starts with once upon a time
i tried to stop you but you kept shouting "two birds with one stone!"
Banged a lazy eyed chick last night. It was like fucking an iguana.
It was the first time I had seen his penis when it wasnt hard. It just looked so vulnerable and a little bit depressed.
i think its awesome that according to your mom i'm your friend that caught on fire.
i am way too old to be getting fingered at work
I dunno, but she kept buying me shots and asking me to go places with her. oh btw we're signed up to go bungee jumping Saturday
Took 45 minutes to masturbate. Fuck you Zoloft. I'm never gonna be diagnosed with depression again
You had salsa out and brought a banana on a plate to bed
Aside from the fact that im drinking wine straight from the bottle to save doing dishes, im also standing in front of the oven to save turning on the heater. its gonna be a rough winter.
I'm so glad we both made out with him though. I feel like that really brought us together
The amount of knuckle children I've had to the Farrah Abraham sex tape is disturbing and impressive
He drops f bombs like every other word and he just gave me 127 shares of tmobile stock for free. I feel like I should pay him back in blow jobs or something.
Brightest idea yet: lets drink enough at ladies-drink-free nights to make up for the cost of tampons. Breaking even on having vaginas!
Just jacked in the family restroom in the hospital while eating beef jerky and looking at reddit gone wild.
Hypothetically speaking how does one remove a lamp that they hypothetically superglued to the ceiling?
Acetone nail polish remover, and you lied about studying last night didn't you?
Oh definitely.
Randomize
