I have a love/hate relationship when men come within a 10 minute time frame.
I fucked him in the bathroom at Cedar Point. if it hadn't been for me already combining my two favorite things in the world the whole bathroom thing would have been a little disgusting.
What can I say, he stumbled upon the key to my heart: orgasms and mac 'n cheese.
My mom is holding a picture of me, crying, and saying "where did I go wrong" over and over again.
What a great world we live in when USPS can tell you that your drugs have been delivered.
i have two emotions: emotionless and blind with rage
I'm like the kid who wants his birthday and christmas equally. Every time I get one I want the other. Only I don't want holidays I want brothers
We kept trying to bring you to the hospital but you had a tantrum and kept saying you would never be Miss America
Purse pizza: the pizza you buy before the club, and you eat on the train home. I thought you knew me by now!
I can't keep up with all the guys you're banging. I'm just going to start referring to them by city of origin.
After my mom met Tanner, she literally turned and said "he's from old money, top of his class at Emory, already has doctors courting him for jobs and judging from your vocal performance the other night, he's gifted in bed. Fake a pregnancy right now"
I come from her. Holy hell.
after all you did bang a few mechanics. you must have got some second hand skills by now for building us a go kart.
This is my last chance to be the first person to fall off this roof.
just called AAA to get my keys out of me car and then afterwards realized they were in my pocket...stoner life
Dude in the stall next to me shitting and sobbing. Dude another stall over, "Come on bro, you gotta loosen up." This is why I don't shit in public.
Randomize
