I am no longer a man. I just realized I prefer Spongebob to college football.
Just opened a bottle with my rape whistle. At least it's finally getting used for something.
She introduced herself as 'Ann the sober one.' Took me to a coat check and a lost and found. Then offered coffee and breakfast sandwiches. Turns out she's been paying her half of the electric bill running post-party operations.
2 rounds of irish car bombs have already been taken to your 5 year sober anniversary
I inspected his penis with a mini flashlight to check for visible stds...he was clean
There is a nerf war going on here. I just cleaned the blood out of the fridge
My only regret is not throwing up on the conveyor belt in the dining hall
As soon as they started using chocolate milk as a chaser for captain Morgan, I thought l it'd be best to leave.
You know, I've never slept in a rug with anyone before you
She waited 7 months to break out her comicon costumes. I was only mad it took her so long. I fucked an elf last night and strawberry shortcake the night before!
Also, I found your gauge.
I found it under my pillow like a gift from the Sex Fairy.
You, me, naked, mistletoe, fifth of jack, gallon of lube, condoms, Cheetos, handcuffs, rope, along with no morals, inhibition or judgment. That's all I want for Christmas.
I feel like I missed the land of milk and honey and instead wound up in the land of beer and pizza. And yet, I think I'm happier here.
are you putting in a lot of effort today like appearance wise
I am taking my rightful place as emperor of the undead appearance wise
Passing out drunk in my therapists lobby may not be the best way to confirm my "stability"
Randomize
