im at a bar with my dad last night and he got hit on more that I did
the liability waiver did not state that i couldn't bring my bottle of wine in the bouncy castle. it did Not.
I am swimming in semen. He must have been holding it in for a special occasion.
remember last year when i left for the bar in flip flops and came back in heels?
it happened again.
i seriously wanted to pee on her right then.
Reason 37 booty call break ups suck: I literally could not find his house in the daytime.
oh no, don't get me wrong.. she IS really pretty. If you are in to horses or Sarah Jessica Parker.
If drawing me a picture of his dick in draw something is flirting then he is doing it wrong.
I ate the last cupcake. I'm sorry. It was in the refrigerator mocking me. So I ate it. And it was glorious. But I'm sorry.
I am coping with the snow storm with beer and shots of jack. If I were outside in shorts I might be able to pass as a Canadian.
If you really loved me, you'd support my weed habit.
As the person who squeezed you out of my vagina, the answer is no.
YOU DRINK NOW BECAUSE YOU ARE A STRONG INDEPENDENT WOMAN WHO DOESN'T NEED A DRINKING PARTNER
He flipped me around so that we could have sex and both watch Die Hard... I think I found my sole mate. Merry Christmas to me!!🎄
Then you guys just all showered together...?
You should have thought of that before emitting walrus sounds while intoxicated
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