Dear tim. Christina farted and it smells like kid roses.
just walked by a lingerie store, the sign out front, "Specials for Father's Day", in no way is that just not wrong.
I think I might have accidentally had a threesome last night with two good friends. See, this is what happens when you leave me.
West Wing DVD drinking game: drink whenever they waqlk around a lot. I LOVE POLITICS SO MUCH
Did you blow the guy you weren't supposed to hook up with again in the bathroom of pita pit? Cause that happened last night...
So the crazy cock blocking bitch sent her a picture of her boobs using MY phone and said: he's busy at the moment
Just think of your bundle of joy thats on its way. And how hes gunna rip your vagina apart
Die.
she gave me her number and i just said "no. cant."
Andy was trying to screw his door shut from the inside so no one could get in.
Two cats fucking in the middle of the street. I sat there and watched in my car because I didn't want to cock block the male by honkin my horn.
Are you doing that thing where you're convinced I made a terrible decision
Daily.
Wish me luck. My vagina needs it.
May his noodley appendage touch you.
I'm gonna go take a shower so I can cleanly change into my drinking underwear.
Gameplan: If the cops show up, find a potted plant to hide behind... It's worked before!
I guarantee you he will only fuck with old bitches from now on
Randomize
