i feel rough
just turned on the light, there is blood EVERYWHERE.
dude i feel like shit
well u did eat a lot of play-doh
insurance, jail, and birth control were made for people like us.
all i know is that each time we woke up we were at a different chinese restaurant. help.
I just found a thank you note I apparently wrote to my bed last night for letting me borrow the comforter.
Dude she has starbursts in her sports bra. I feel like this is counter productive.
PSA: Morning booty calls are no longer accepted after the hours of 6am when I've been drinking or before 11am when I have not. Your cooperation is appreciated.
Is "incoherent" a legit goal to strive for tonight? Or should I stay sober enough to fuck who I can?
You have a roommate and cry when you see my dick
He let me keep my Michael Jordan Bulls jersey on during sex.
how the hell were we supposed to out run the cops in a bus?
Doesn't matter if you work at a funeral home. If the boss says get a keg, you get a keg.
I'm being hhit on by creepy guys please come one bought me a penis hat balloon animal save meeeee
If he brings home bacon, dont let him leave. Dont screw this one up. this may be our last chance.
I smell like a mix of alcohol, sweat, and sex and its only 10 AM
Randomize
