She woke up laying on my kitchen floor, ketchup bottle as her pillow, in front of my fridge.
i do some of my deepest thinking on my wednesday morning walks of shame
We lived together for a year and neither of us knew we were both gay.
He sent me a picture of his dick with a cowboy hat on it.
OH YEAH AND FORGOT TO THANK YOU FOR THE lack of WARNING THAT HE WASN'T CIRCUMSIZED.
I just saw a wasted dude crawl out of the road at 2 in the afternoon. Big question- still drunk from the weekend or hitting the soju already?
Whatever. I'm just trying to get my dick sucked while taking online harmonica lessons
I just realized the only way to play Edward forty-hands is commando in a skirt. This intelligence kick is really doing me justice.
Carson when you get home I want you to go downstairs and go into each bedroom and pick up the underwear and either throw it out or give it back to the people who own them. Look all over the room. Thank, Love Mom
Someone came in the potted fern
pizza hut and my weed lady just showed up at the same time. I feel 22 again.
You make any dick jokes involving sushi and there WILL be consequences.
Sushi is fucking sacred in this house and I will kill you if you try and taint that.
congrats on being the token straight people in our group.
Hes back in his dorm room dancing naked with 3D glasses on.
and he said that acid doesnt really do anything to him...
Do you ever look at your life and go "i'm too sober for this bullshit"?
Every day of my life.
Randomize
