I wish there was an iPhone app to help you with your shitty personality.
ya ever know whats down there. always send some fingers in first to scout the situation. fingers are not used for pleasure. they're used for covert missions.
I just gave head in the laundry room on campus. He said it was one of the best moments in all of history. Take that, neil armstrong.
Gay TA. Finally going to boost my GPA your way.
We snorted a line of cocaine and xanax, and then played a game of Backgammon. It was surprisingly therapeutic.
the "its better than getting an actual virus from an actual porn star" argument failed.
I think he pocket dials me so much because I'm in his phone as 'Air Mattress'
Shrimp lo Mein doused in green apple Smirnoff is a rare delicacy only a few get to experience..guess I should consider myself lucky
Mike is worried about me going on a cruise in June without him....how cute he thinks we are going to last till June
You had a hot dog outside the bar then made me stop at McDonald's for a double quarter pounder. I'd say you've more than filled your drunken meat quota.
Welcome to the first annual slutathon and let the men be ever in our favor
You would think that me seductively unzipping my cat feetie pajamas would make him want to fuck me.
I got so drunk last night that I drunk texted myself. "hand jobs are the currency of the future"
I woke up in a chipotle parking lot with an industrial sized box of condoms and a bag of dounut holes. I need Jesus
He has no idea he’s my boyfriend.
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