we've reached the level in our friendship where i don't think he would rape me
My girlfriend went down on me and as she did she hummed the theme from star wars and pretended my dick was a lightsaber...I'm buying the engagement ring tomorrow
I have a dream, to one day wake up next to a girl, walk to the washroom and kick her kids toys out of the way. That day has come, yes we can.
She's got an ass you could write the declaration of independence on in one line. Takes up three bar stools.
just got my tax refund and at bell. how do you say i want a grand worth of 5 layer burritos in spanish?
for future reference: anal bleach BEFORE boozing
My glasses are somewhere in your living room. Also, my underwear might be in your bathroom or on or around your porch. Sorry.
So after taking my shirt off, he pulls my bra off like a hockey jersey. FUCKIN PRO. Guy knew what he wanted.
I have an important idea to tell you when I'm sober about a cat scratching my nose once and what it taught me. DONT LET ME FORGET.
I helped you wax your vagina and you won't even get me Corn Nuts you fucking bitch?
I had to join a gym to keep up with this 22 yr old
I know you told me I shouldn't go see him...that's why I'm texting you letting you know I made it home safe from his house this morning
Dude she is fucking shit up. Her baby would be proud
i just remember singing the theme song from 2 and 1/2 men to my hair
He just fucked me into paralysis. can't feel my hands or face.
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