had no condoms so I just made do with an empty doritos bag.
I'm on the bus and the homeless person in the seat to my left is jacking off to a cartoon picture he found. He's now cleaning up with mitten I dropped.
she was throwing up and singing "I HAD a feeling that tonight was going to be a good good night." And yeah she was still in her dress.
Stop making all the ice cubes only big enough to fit in your bong. It takes like 3 trays for a glass of ice water
I'd really appreciate it if we could dress up as pilgrims and indians for the thanksgiving eve bar crawl
did we cross streams again? the only thing I remember is seeing a dick
Had no idea what his name was when I woke up. Went through his desk, found his tax records. Ben. And loaded.
rumor has it I kept asking you to go to the "tall grass" with me...sorry about that.
Welcome to the south, dude. Gives the phrase "I wish you a dry ass" a new perspective.
You don't care if I shave my legs, but you insist I be conscious for sex. Whatever. I really think your priorities are out of whack.
You told her that she shouldn't be allowed to wear clothes then when her roommate asked if you like her you said "no I just want to insert things into her"
I stand by it.
So he drunk messaged me last night telling me he wants a baby. Think I should call his bluff?
I'm supposed to nail the old lady at 1:30 so I'll see you at 1:35ish.
my vag sweat smells like doritos
so now that we're not dating you have to stop sending shit like this to me okay?
I did it again.
I drunk texted John McCain.
Randomize
