I wish i knew how bad drinking and hieghts were before i got up here
I just signed a document stating that I would dd all summer if they would go pickup food.
He insisted on sleeping in my bed. Had he taken all of my obvious hints I would have sucked his dick. He only wanted to snuggle. My world has been turned upside down.
Let's just cut to the chase. I'm not interested in anything romantic but I aAM interested in Tom Petty and maybe getting high and fucking you again for old times sake.
I don't want to tell anyone! People who sleep with senators either end up in porn or guantanamo
You should have heard my farts after he left. I swear one of them was a demonic voice saying, "It's coming for you, Nicole. It's coming,".
I like her. She smells like old lady but tastes like whiskey
he said he was going grocery shopping but when he came back all he had was a jumbo bag of pancake mix and case of beer.
the essentials, lol
Just got high and apologized to my vagina for getting chlamydia
I'm naked on my couch and just ate a chip that was in my belly button.. my 20s have been weird.
I've had your balls on my face a bunch of times so the least you could do is buy a girl some dinner.
Just don't let me do two things: Beer bongs filled with vodka or shot competitions
how do you know everyone's mad at you?
I just woke up feeling shameful
i just swapped my iPhone for a happy meal. this is greg btw, the hooker let me borrow her phone
Have you ever gotten such awesome underwear you wish you didnt have to wear pants?
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