I have demons in me.
I mean I woke up wearing my bathing suit which blows my mind
Dude, I swear her tits are going to give me a concusion.
Im playing the how drunk can i get before my card declines game. being single sucks. But getting drunk after work alone in fridays on a wenesday night sucks way more.
YOUR BALLS CAME OUT. DONT CALL ME A SHITSHOW.
Hey its me your friend who impressed the pharmacist by already knowing the generic version of plan b by name
Let's run into the wild and just eat berries and have sex all the time.
I went to the bar without a bra on pretty sure you can go to Taco Bell drive thru with no pants
Crying on the toilet and taking a shit. This is what being an adult is about
We played a 4 hour game of True American then we fucked on the floor for a couple hours Happy 20th to me
You know Sunday Funday was a success when 'puke and rally' came at lunchtime on Monday.
Shriek
3 cups of coffee and some molly. The "Tay's Day Off Diet"
Hey I need you to run the morning meeting, for reasons I can explain when I find out where I left my car
I called to inform you I may or may not be getting laid tonight ...
I get sad thinking about all the sex I’m missing out on because of the virus
I instituted “quarantine and chill” months ago. It’s not like penises go soft just because they’re working at home.
Randomize
