Someone's got a whale tail
A thong is hangin out?
No, a fatty following them
The chick I went home with last night had a happy trail
Then we started crawling around on the floor because we couldn't get up so decided to be tigers instead. Gotta love power hour.
I am currently prioritizing my hw by splitting into things i can and things i cant do drunk. Oh college
He came on my face and tried to draw out a smiley face because he said I looked like I had a bad day
I hope whoever gets these locks of love doesn't have a drug test anytime soon
I had five suicidal voicemails from him when I woke up this morning. They all started and ended with "DON'T FUCK MY ROOMMATES".
It was only one, it doesn't count.
I was wondering if I fell or perhaps got hit by a truck, then I remembered, it's cause I did a splits contest at the bar
I have a completly random but serious question. Can I make a paper mache mold of you ass and turn it into a pinata filled with airplane bottles of liquor? Its for my art class
Just took an adderall with a shot of tequila while doing my makeup in the parking lot at work before I go in. I'm also late. They're so lucky to have me.
Note to self: don't practice nerdy white girl dance choreography in the company bathrooms no matter how nice the huge mirrors and lighting are.
I need a drink and a shade of lipstick that will put the fear of God in a man's heart.
I'm only fucking women born in the 90s this summer
Okay first of all fuck you and everything you stand for because Taco Bell is amazing.
Why are there condoms taped to the handle of Tito’s?
I get horny when I drink, pregnant when I fuck and I never lose the booze unlike my purse
Randomize
