Well listen chief - never again do i want the scenario of going to the ER totally naked and partially drunk to b a possibility.
if you made me into a cookie and threw me into a betty crocker easy bake oven on christmas morning...that's how baked i am
A good Q tip ear swabbing is better than bad sex.
he referred to my room as the tit cave...
So it turns out there are pros and cons to having a broken wrist. Pro: I can give amazing blowjobs with my left hand. Con: I just had to open a packet of crisps with scissors.
He offered but I said no. I didn't think it'd be cool to accept cupcakes in the mens room of a gentlemans club.
Fun fact: female penguins have sex in exchange for pebbles to build nests. I now know what im being for halloween
He pulled a potato out of his bag in the library. A WHOLE FRIGGIN POTATO. He ate it like it was an apple and waved at the librarian as she stared at him.
He found a way to charmingly ask me for a threesome and when I said no he made it sound like he was even happier. He's a fucking wizard
You must have my penis confused with someone else's...which is disappointing
Literally breaking up to my boyfriend while jamming out to Feraglicious
Am I supposed to get so horny by looking at your dick that I start orgasming uncontrollably
UHG. i just want to have hot lesbian sex and eat pizza with you.
Someone had to wrestle her in the chocolate pool, I'm glad I was man enough to step up and do it
got laid for being an eagle scout again. 4 more and ill have all my merit badges.
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