Well maybe next time you won't tell me to do whatever I want.
The only thing that would make my night better is if William Shatner came and read me a bedtime story.
i wish i could, but i promised myself i wouldn't sleep with anyone who couldn't grow a beard for a while. it's not you, it's crosby.
so high and i think i just ordered a magic bullet.
did you call within the first 18 minutes? can i have the free one?
Apparently 'she used to sleep with my brother' is not an acceptable answer to how do you know each other.
thank you for tagging me in all my pictures as "skank" and yourself as "made by the hands of God"
This girl did not understand, once police sirens go on, road-head needs to STOP
I'm still waiting for my blazer that I left at your apartment, you owe me a blowjob for every day from Thursday on that it's late.
Getting stoned at work has never been a good idea, but im always more than willing to give it another chance
Now you know my pain. Live with it. Own it. Recognize it. Cause its like shitting napalm.
I just audibly asked myself if i wanted to masturbate.
And then audibly agreed
He's super sweet. I feel like I'm dating Elmo. If Elmo had a 7 incher
Life achievement unlocked: I just ate a Slim Jim "Lady and the Tramp" style with a guy in a bar.
Sorry this is the worst night of your life and that you're being a baby about it.
5 am booty call not ok. The fact I actually went over definitely not ok. My vag needs to learn some control.
Randomize
