I just saw how many times I called you last night. You're welcome.
Apparently I ran up to the group of cookie-cutter blonde chicks and screamed "Delta Gamma Nuuuuuuu!" really excitedly and tried to hug them and share fake sorority stories with them.
WTF?! TAYLOR SWIFT JUST WON ARTIST OF THE YEAR OVER MICHAEL JACKSON?! WHAT IS THIS WORLD COMING TO?!
this is the second time in my life i thought i might need to go to rehab. im including all the mornings that i wake up in dewey beach as "the first time"
His blow is so strong I threw up. Buy it. I'm in nursing school I know what I'm talking about.
Slipping me an edible before my ochem final was not your brightest idea. Looks like I'm switching to business.
Got a stripper to howl at my wolf shirt.
I just pulled a piece of cookie out of my bra in the middle of class. I'm forever alone.
I just took what could be the most awkward shit in my life, which considering my definition of awkward and my experiences shitting, is pretty fucking awkward.
...
I was sitting there doing my business and the guy in the stall next to me banged on the stall and asked me how to spell picnic because he wasn't sure.
Im breaking out the trunk vodka tonight, its been aged to perfection.
I see you met someone special
.As long as you're some how patriotic with your sexual escapades, I can support it.
How is your new roommate working out
We are drinking at the laundromat. And will probably have sex later. So...pretty good.
Cocaine and dance dance revolution for 4 hours. I consider last night a success.
I woke up to both of you drawing on me in sharpie, unless a glorious threesome was had the night before that is not okay.
Who says it wasn't?
Well statistically J has a 1 in 3 chance of hospitalization when downtown
And a 3 for 3 for disapeearing
Randomize
