Alright folks.. i have made history - I just hit my 2nd PARKED car SOBER withing 6 months.. :*( wtf?!
so howd the 'mom i only play with condoms' conversation go?
and then he said that the only reasonable explanation as to why I got swine flu was because all I ever do is join the bandwagon
We just used hot candle wax from our joint lighting candle to make a bunch of new small ones how stoned are we
Just bought a pack of cigs...gas station guy informed me i took off my underwear and tried to pop a squat by the milk last night...
Let's review the facts-we're bored, we have a ton of beer, and we live 5 minutes from the zoo. This equation is easily solvable
The drugs are starting to wear off. Suddenly aware there's a girl with bald patches and 2 guys that don't have a full set of teeth between them.
One of the guys I danced with wanted to give me his number so I convinced him I had a photographic memory and that I would remember it.
Yes... I'll kill two birds with one crazy ecstacy filled night.
I guess I'm open to more types of dick now
I'm drunk and I have your birth certificate
He came in two seconds and stole my pizza so I'm not counting it.
The night they met I slept with both of them. Of course I'm best man.
How far are you from my house? Do I have time to masturbate before you get here?
Did I ever tell you what happened that night after he ran you over?
Randomize
