After last night I still want u
But please keep that on the DL
The worst part is I think my tongue cut his penis and now he wont talk to me.
i found her half dressed with her feet in the washer..she said it was sooo warm.
Ps if we're still living vicariously through each other, you had sex on a beach last night
Only thing I know is apparently I danced with a bouncer and we got a ride back from a valet who was driving one of the cars he was supposed to be parking
Dude. Remember the only two rules I set for that? Always have a sober friend and don't do drugs with a fat chick.
I tell myself every day I shouldn't be friends with you
You were sitting in the middle of the floor spewing vodka at people proclaiming "I a whale". That drunk.
Your headphones are on the door knob and I left you a burger on the door step.
Dude. I tried to hide my drunk wounds from my parents. Response: "we were young once" and "oh god, did I raise a drunk?"
You are beyond drunk wounds. You have drunk battle scars. A true veteran of the sidewalk
This electrician is just ripping my house apart and I'm too hungover to ask questions
Throwing up into Nora's potty chair while simultaneously having beer shits was truly the highlight of my Christmas season.
Next time you decide to go downstairs hungover, please warn me. I now have to explain to twenty eight year olds why you were naked.
NO FUCKING RANDOMS IN AN ALLEY
I was like ahh were on two different pages, I know there's rumors of me moving to boston but I can't and I'm not adding long distance to the relationship I have with my 31 year old recently divorced ex boss
Randomize
