Lets date for the summer
what?
Dont love me in September.
im the poster child for why you shouldnt play beer pong with wine.
I'm at Home Depot to get supplies to fix the wall we cracked by fucking too hard against the bookshelf.
I left after my shirt got dropped in the toilet thinking that there was absolutely no good that could happen the rest of the evening. I hear I was very wrong.
you started petting my head and said "there there, majestical unicorn. it won't be long before we get you back to neverland."
note to self: do not snort crushed up caffeine pills in the bathroom by yourself when ur super shit faced, ur face will fucking hate you in the morning.
Just to be a PITA after I die, my will leaves 1 cent to each of my FB friends. I hate my lawyer.
I tried to take home a cat on broadway last night. I named him Pinocchio and put my purse down on the sidewalk and tried to put it inside it
if youre gonna throw up it might as well taste like christmas :S
I'm pretty sure the rest of my evening will consist of masturbating, drinking tequila and watching children's movies.
YOU WILL GIVE ME MASHED POTATOES OR I WILL RIP YOUR SOUL INTO 7 PIECES AND YOU WILL TURN INTO LORD VOLDEMORT
I just lived through a real life episode of jersey shore.
I only have sex with you to have a memory to masturbate to.
I want you inside me. Finish your papers.
Walked off the dance floor to find Gabe hitting on a dad bod at the bar. It was my Dad. Awkward is an understatement.
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