The police are arresting two women who got in a fight for the last Twilight DVD at Best Buy. Classic.
All i have left of him are the magnum X-Large condoms he left in my room, knowing full well that no other guy I hook up with will be able to fill his shoes. He taunts me.
Lesson learned. Never get fingered on an airplane.
All I remember is apologizing to his sister for being a bad influence while I was throwing up into a big gulp cup.
No, my body just knows its the weekend and wants to rage. Very different from alcoholism
Walked into my campus store carrying a pitcher of sangria. No fucks given. Also this recipe is banging.
I may have to steal the boat sober, but I feel that would be harder to explain.
There's a very drunk Asian strawberry shortcake crying on the curb next to my truck. I'm not really sure what standard protocol is for this situation.
Everybodys gonna want to make out w me dressed as big bird
Big bird is like some childhood daddy fantasy come true for carnival
He wants to buy me a drink to apologize for sending me a pic of his dick. Welcome to my life.
The amount of knuckle children I've had to the Farrah Abraham sex tape is disturbing and impressive
So I just got drugs from a house with a giant cross on it. Thank you, Jesus.
I don't think stranger penis made your tonsils bleed
he rolled over in the morning and told me happy valentines day. i don't even know his first name.
Unless your name is actually "Ticfj" like my phone says, I have no idea who you are...
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