I am dripping wet and slathered in glitter and banana mush. I love gay guys.
He just compared himself to a majestic butterfly in regards to the lack of girlfriends. i don't even know what to say.
he told her to call him "Frog Legs" and she still fucked him and not you.
She only remembers me when she's drunk. It's like I'm a suppressed memory that only surfaces with alcohol.
I have to bobbypin his pubes for us to have sex. The other day he wanted me to braid them.
He says he won't get serious until he screws an Asian and a virgin. I should just place an ad on Craig's List
Wanted: female 18-24 of Asian or partial Asian descent to fuck my ginger boyfriend. Must be willing and able to fake virginity. No emotional connection needed, just sex, just once. Further contact post sex not needed (or particularly desired)
just cuz theres a goalie doesnt mean i cant commandeer the goal and become a way better goalie
New discovery: pineapple flavored vodka. Life made, liver in jeopardy. Graduation t-minus 50 minutes.
Did he ask you why you were in his back yard Sunday night?
I lost my flask somewhere between dancing shirtless to The Spice Girls and walking around Wawa opening/eating things and putting them back.
So I got drunk last night and attempted to shave a landing strip on my vag. I now have a 8 lane highway on my crotch now. Just looks like a random ass square.
I feel like you're gonna be reading this at 6 AM in a ditch or under a bridge, but please remember...I offered to drive you home. And you said no.
The sad thing is that it's 6:45 and you're not far off.
I think I accidentally invented a religion.
now to finish some work and then i think i'll work out. or garden. or at the very least I'll continue eating frozen grapes and take more drugs
Bring vodka when you get back from court.
Randomize
