accomplished twins. life is a go
I can actually hear my brain cells scream as they die when she speaks.
just saw a guy driving a atv down the highway in a tux.... only in Iowa...
she's a gynecology student. i don't know if my dick's ready for that kind of pressure.
It's just like riding a bike. Only it's a dude's face.
They're re-releasing Titanic in 3-D. Can I interest you in a joint venture to create the greatest drinking game of all time? I think yes
Hey, this is a mass text. I have a hospital bill from November, and I don't know from what. Did anyone bring me to the hospital on a drunken night that I don't remember...?
There's nothing worse than carrying your fairy crown and wings home wearing fishnets
he answered his phone during sex and left to go help that drama queen with her latest bullshit. I'm drinking all his vodka. it's asshole tax
Is it immoral to trade sex for the use of his laundry room?
Listen, I just paid for a hotel room, so I didn't have to have sex in his car. I'm adulting successfully.
Had sex on your trumpet just an fyi.
Our sex from this weekend should be engraved into a plaque or commemorated somehow. It was fucking amazing.
I'll start working on my manners when you stop using please and thank you in the bedroom.
He ate me out in the passenger seat of his Range Rover in a Tim Hortons parking lot. I could hear “oh canada” on the radio from a nearby school as I came. Most patriotic orgasm ever!
Randomize
