did the walk of shame from ex-boyfriend's room only to find other ex-boyfriend sitting in the living room. some people shouldn't be allowed to be friends.
some people shouldn't be allowed to be desperate.
Okay call me later ill be watching lifetime and scrubbing throw up off my feet
remember that night we drank a bottle of vodka and went to mcdonalds and ordered everything on the dollar menu, twice?
we can't do that now- first b/c they got rid of that menu and 2 b/c we are broke now. damn this recession.
I told her I was horny and she said to forget it because she has vagina drama.
WHAT IN THE HELL IS VAGINA DRAMA?!
Don't put random dicks in your mouth or any other crevice for that matter... and i'm home in 30 seconds
Wish I got that text last night instead of this morning.
he has a knack for choosing the worst time to masturbate
He asked if I wanted a dutch rudder. 1.) Who says that? 2.) How exactly does one do that with a girl?
In all seriousness...vodka, almond milk and chocolate syrup make a decent white russian.
You are the only one who would stop a bum, tell him to open up, then pour straight vodka in his mouth. You made his year.
I just wanna be like "dude your gf's on a porn site" but i just dont know if i have the heart.
It's been a year of occasional hook ups....this was bound to happen sometime even with your jank ovary schedule.
I have feelings that need drinking.
She's running around the streets punching people and narrating. I don't know whether to laugh or stop her
My drug dealer bought me a book for Christmas. What a gentleman.
Everything is a learning experience. Last night we learned why I'm not allowed to bring guys home from the bar....
Randomize
