Instead of just putting in it he asked "will you do the honors?" it was the cutest thing I had ever heard before sex.
It's the foolproof way to identify who didn't get laid last night
He got me an interview at his law firm and his boss asked him what he had to say about me. His response "He dates CRAZY bitches."
I'm pregaming for my hair cut. Working two jobs definately taught me how to use my time wisely...
Just realized I lost my social security card...maybe someone else will do something with my life
the repo guy said it was the first time he'd ever started to repo a car with someone fucking inside of it. he might have said 'doing it' instead.
Also was told that I was her "third favourite booty call" - I'm taking this a good thing right?
It's a podium place so yeah...
The look on the dr's face when she asked me the last time i had sex and i responded "like an hour and a half ago" ... priceless
If you're mature enough to fuck him you're mature enough to tell him you don't want a relationship come on
I thought we were but then I freaked myself out. So I kind of geared him up for take off and then cancelled the launch
I called him a "Beautiful Bastard" with "Beautiful Bastard Hair". That is how you pick up a guy from Denmark.
Don't worry dude, I've created a sex logic bomb to stop that sort of thing.
Sorry I wasn't opportunistic about sucking your dick in an Uber last night
I would go disguised as someone he didn't have premature ejaculative sex with but I don't know if I could stay in character.
Only in the emergency room do they shut the door when youre laughing too hard
Randomize
